My Career...

"My Career is a quest to amass enough evidence to prove I should quit."
- Roger Director.

As most of you may know, my career of choice is television production. I was having a 'silly-fofical' discussion with my roommates, who are in the business as well in different capacities (one is an actor, the other a youth worker who has dabbled in film/screenwriting).

Off late, I have been questioning myself and my decisions on the business I am in. I joined this online group recently which was started by a friend of mine from high school. And all my peers from St. Vincent's High School all seem to have "real" jobs, cars, wives, children even. And I sat there thinking to myself, ' is it really worth it? Should I just get a "real job"? Be a third (or is it fourth?) generation banker.'

The fact is, I move from job to job every few months. And most times, I don't know what the next job is. Or where the next contract or pay cheque is coming from. But on the flip side of things, I love my work. I mean, I really do. I am in the middle of a fairly long contract right now (7 months)...and I had a month off between the end of June till next Monday. And in that 4 week period, I hated staying home, though, I did need a break from it all physically. Mentally, I was bored. I look at all the people I know outside of of the entertainment business, sure they have the moolah, the vacations, the cars and the wine and the women. But I have fun at work. I laugh, crack jokes, be silly and play pranks and put up wierd notes and signs all over the studio and at the same time, put in all the hard work and dues as any other professional, in any other line of work.

And like all good things, there is the negative aspect ...I have insecurity flashes about the money coming in, about my script/show ideas getting sold, I cannot committ to any one job, one place to live, hell, not even one country. (Just imagine how messed up my personal life is!)

And to top it all off, I started reading a book called "The First Time I Got Paid For It - Writer's tales from the Hollywood Trenches." The quote off the top is from that book. Most of these stories have been inspiring, some have been frightening, but all of them make me want to believe. And I have come to terms with the fact that I have chosen to do what I do. I am bound to be an insecure, determined, creatively driven mind, and I am who I am and this is what I do for a living. I am in the entertainment business. I wipe studio floors, I build props, I write scripts, I pitch show ideas, I grip lighting rigs, I work the camera, I stay up all night to make 30 seconds of video, I laugh, I cry, I make television. I entertain people. I love my job.

I've read some really good stories in that book, I haven't finished it, but I'll leave you with one small paragraph about a writer working at MGM (in the 60s). The studio gives him a last minute deadline and he rushes to finish his script. And it sucks. They reject it. This is how the story ends...
'a disinterested studio guard let me into the basement of the Thalberg Building, where behind a chain-link screen we discover, among other artifacts, my personal items in a cardboard box. With the box under my arm, I walked across the parking lot to my car, realizing even then that I had been taught a valuable lesson. You'd better learn how to write a story, or your things wind up in a cardboard box.'

My Sex Toys and Chocolate...

Hey everyone,
Like I said on my last post in March (my only post in March), I have been considerably busy given the slow times in the television industry here in Canada this past winter. I was working on a production called Sex Toys & Chocolate. This is the second season of this show and I have had the 'fortune' of working on it for both seasons. Well for the most part, it is a talk show about sex, indepth details about sex. For my friends outside of Canada....I am sorry but I don't think the international distribution rights to this show haven't been sold yet.
There are so many funny stories from this year's taping of 39 shows in hi-definition. But my favourite is the Porn Stars episode. Our guests were Ron Jeremy, Seymour Butts, Sean Michaels, Linda Lovelace, Gina Lynn and this other woman whose name escapes me right now. SO this other woman, lost her luggage in transit on the way to Toronto (or so she said). So she went shopping and bought some clothes for the day of. Anyhoo, this is what happened. She bought a really really short skirt. This is not just a short skirt, this is a short skirt a porn star is wearing......without underwear!!! One of the segments is a living room segment and there is a coffee table with a row of candles on it. So just before we roll tape, I go to light these candles and she's sitting on the couch with her legs spread just about wide enough. And I was lighting the row of candles, my eyes fell upon 'the sight' and I shamelessly, kept looking till my lighter got really hot and burnt my finger....and that my friends made everyone on set laugh, including the lady in question.
There you go people, that was my "go ahead, laugh at me, i fucked up!" anicdote for the time being.
Enjoy.
Ajeeth

My Absence

Hey everyone....
Sorry I havent been writing for a while...
loads has happened since the last blog....and I wish i had the energy in me to fill you guys in on everything but I will soon.....tomorrow perhaps...its too late in the night to be typing anything sensible...but there is loads to talk about....porn stars...sex shows...comedy shows...concerts....loads!!!!
later guys
Ajeeth

My Big White Book

As a child, I can't quite put my finger on when and where these memories come from, but my brother and I had this book with pictures of cars, fire trucks and planes in it. It was a big white book. And I distinctly remember this one picture of a fire truck with two little Dalmatians sitting in the fireman's boots. Another picture in that book was that of a PanAm airplane. We used to dream about flying in it one day. And not too long after that, we did. We visited our family in the States. He was 11 and I was 7. We had a blast, though I have very fragmented memories of that trip, the photographs from that trip do bring back great memories.

When we were kids, we used to dream about flying on a big plane, that would take us away to some place that we knew nothing off except that our Aunt lived there. It was so innocent, that wish of going away to that far away place. We knew nothing about passports, visas, plane tickets, jet lag, international borders, the yellow embarkation line at the airport. None of that made any sense to us. We just wanted to get on the big plane and fly.

Between 1988 and 2003, I hadn't left India and in those 15 years, I grew up, made some great friends, had many experiences good and bad, and in August of 2003, I embarked on another great adventure. I came here to Canada. Its been "just" a year and half (maybe less) since I've left India to come here to Canada. In the time that I've been away I have learnt to love what I've left behind even more. My parents, my brother, my friends.

I miss home terribly. But, I know that I am here for a reason...I am here to achieve something. And at the same time, I have a new big white book. Only this time, it doesn't have pictures of fire trucks, dalmatians, planes and cars. It's got memories, memories of home. Memories of my parents, my brother (and our petty fights), my friends (hanging out with them at home, at the university, at the record store, at the local pub, at the bench.) I flip through the pages of this new white book, and I long to go home, even if for a short while and just return to innocence for a few days, for a few precious days. And if I wish and hope hard enough, I know I will be there soon.

I miss you.

"Alone in these strange streets
I think that I've walked them enough
Poetry and Aeroplanes
I am tired of waiting for love"

My Age of Innocence

The contents of this blog is extremely confusing, even to the author...God Speed!!!

Its 2005.
The year that I will turn Twenty Five.
Me? Twenty Five?
Darn.

When I was 17 years old, when I was still Happy Go Lucky, I told myself, I would kill myself before I got that old. But guess who chickened out of that one?

I remember how easy life used to be, even 2 years ago, when the only thing on my mind was getting up, going to university and hanging out with people, people who meant something to me. People who I could hang out with and not want anything else in return. Be free, be calm, be in love, be best friends, be silly, be wasted. But all of a sudden, all the people I used to know then are going through the same perils of life that I am going through. I used to think it was such a load of crap when someone said, I think I am at the "crossroads of my life". And now, I can safely say, that I am too...I so am. Yes, indeed so. I am lost, I am unsure about anything and everything. I am at the crossroads of my life.

I waited a long time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life...careerwise. I thought once I figured that all out, everything would fall into place. But guess what? What I didn't realise was this: When I thought up that ridiculous theory about everything falling into place, I was lost. I hoped everything would fall into place, I still do. I know what I want careerwise, I just don;t know what I want for myself as a person. Some of my closest friends get married this year. I wonder how and what convinced them that it is the right time to get married. I am happy for them, I am glad they have met the right person. But something gives them the confidence to get married. That's such a big committment. (And I can hardly even get myself to commit to do laundry once a week. I don't have that confidence.) But I am thankful for one thing...that I know that I am not ready for something like that yet. And from what I know, I don't know if i will ever will be.

I wonder what life would be like if you knew everything. Especially everything about the future, just how boring would that be? If you knew who the "right" one was before you found out. If you knew what the right thing to do is before you figured out what the right thing to do is. I am at that stage where I can question all these things. The answers, I don't have, I will have them in good time, I know. But the fact that I have these questions about the next job, about the meaning of satisfaction, the yearning for love, the quest for some kind of stability in some part of my life. Unfortunately though, in our Emotional, Personal and Professional lives...change is the only constant. A stable life would be a boring life. An innocent life would be great.

After a lot of thought, a lot of self torture, a lot of sleepless nights, I have come to this conclusion. I am still innocent. I might not be the twelve year old I once was, or the young rebel without a cause, or the student of Statistics...but somewhere deep inside, I am still seventeen, somewhere deep inside, I am still twelve. That's what keeps me sane. That's what keeps me anxious, that's what makes me eager and keen and thats what keeps me smiling.
I will be "grown up" when i need to be, I will be a child when i need to be. Maturity doesn't come from actions and words. It comes from feelings, emotions and it comes from being yourself. And even who you are changes.

Life's a Beach!!!

"What I want is what I've not got....what I need is all around me!"

My Heart Goes Out...

My heart goes out to those who have been affected by the Tsunami waves that rocked the shores of South Asia earlier this week. I am here, half way around the world and my hands feel tied. There is not much I can do, not much I can spare, but every little bit counts and I am trying to do my part.
Many of you may have got this email in your Inbox but I will paste it here as well.
Please give generously.

Hello All,
As you've probably seen on the news or read in the newspaper or on the Internet: On December 26th a devastating earthquake in the Indian Ocean has killed over 80,000 people (at last count). Hundreds of thousands more are homeless, have lost loved ones and their homes washed away. In a matter of minutes, these people have lost everything they've owned, treasured and cherished.

One Canadian Dollar may not get you much in Canada but it will go a long way to help the victims. As you celebrate and bring in the new year tomorrow night, people half way round the world are mourning the loss of thousands.

Sacrificing just one beer will feed 10 victims.

Please do try and make a contribution, no matter how small. It all counts.I thank you with all my heart.

God Bless and have a wonderful 2005.

Ajeeth
416.824.2776

Canadians wishing to make a financial donation may donate online at www.redcross.ca , call 1-800-418-1111 or contact their local Red Cross office. The 24-hour toll free line accepts Visa and MasterCard. Cheques should be made payable to the Canadian Red Cross, earmarked "Asian Earthquake and Tsunami Relief" and mailed to Canadian Red Cross National Office, 170 Metcalfe Street, Suite 300, Ottawa, OntarioK2P 2P2.

My Winter Jitters

The weather has officially gone nuts...it was a nice 1 degree celcius a few days ago...and then on Friday night, it was a -8, which is bareable...but suddenly friday night/early saturday morning it just went nuts, it wasn't snowing, it was bright and sunny but the darned windchill was -36 C degrees at one point...and the next day it was "warmer" a nice comfortable -20 C.
I am glad I wasn't working for these two days, but that didnt stop me from pulling out the long-johns and making a trip to the corner store and curse my damn luck... thinking to myself...what the hell was I thinking...why the fuck would I give up 17 degree winters and come to this hell hole....damn damn damn....what the hell was I thinking...why, why on god's great earth would someone want to live here? And Its not just me I am talking about.

The folks who discovered/founded this land, Canada, they were here before America was formed...and they looked at the whole continent, they said, oh "Who needs the damn beaches and warm, tropical weather...we'll just take this big chunk of Ice right here!!!!"
Only the British would be dumb enough to send all the convicts to Warm Sunny Australia and settle here.

Anyways, the last few days, I've been thinking up these "You-Know-You're-In-Canada" jokes...
here are a few of them.....

1. You know you're in Canada when you have to wear 4 layers of clothing to go have a smoke.

2. You know you're in Canada when you say, "Oh it must have warmed up a bit, its snowing!"

3. You know you're in Canada when you wear a University of Indiana tee that has "Indiana" written across it, and the guy on the bus looks at you and says, "Indian, eh?"

4. You know you're in Canada when George W. Bush visits and says, "I am glad the people who turned up to welcome me were waving it at us...and and I especially glad they were waving with with all five fingers!"